The Top 10 Frequently Asked Questions:*

1. Why do I have a burning feeling every time I go to the bathroom? The prostitute I screwed in Mexico promised me that I was her first.

2. Why do old men insist on wearing their pants so high? Doesn’t the inseam dig into their balls causing extreme discomfort? Do old men like their balls to be in a constant state of discomfort?

3. Why don’t Q-tips have a depth gauge? I mean really, I can’t tell you how many times I have poked my brain with one of those things.

4. If everyone says that teachers have a thankless job, then why do people thank them all the time?

5. Why do guys always touch their dicks but you never see women just reach up and suddenly play with their nipples in public? If men had boobs like women, they would do it all the time.

6. What would your mother say if she knew you were doing this?

7. If ignorance is bliss, then why does everyone want to know more than the next person?

8. If history is bound to repeat itself, then why do we have to study it in school? Can’t we just wait to experience it on our own?

9. Why do women always seem to have a problem when men cheat on them? Don’t they realize that competition is the cornerstone of our great capitalistic society? Doesn’t that make women un-American?

10. What the fuck?

*IMPORTANT NOTICE:

No attempt has been made to answer any of these frequently asked questions. We find that by completely ignoring the questions, their frequency tends to diminish over time. Any proactive answers just tend to encourage more questions. It’s a vicious cycle.

That being said, if you would like to ask a frequently asked question, you should do two things: 1) think about why you seem to frequently ask such a question; and, 2) ask yourself why no one ever wants to give you an answer. If you still insist on asking a question, please leave a clear and concise message when you hear the beep.

–The Management